So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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