I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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