WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
