i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
