my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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