saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
