Well apparently he's into motor boating.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
