i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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