6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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