You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
