Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
well you can't waste a boner
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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