Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
