he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
