Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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