Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
