I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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