I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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