I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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