Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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