Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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