the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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