I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
