I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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