Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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