i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
