There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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