So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
