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Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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