never play flip cup with pint glasses
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
