Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
