Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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