I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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