you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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