i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
