why didn't you poke me back
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I have fence marks all over my body
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
