During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The cops high fived after they tackled you
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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