My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
how does that bad decision feel?
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