Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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