I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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