What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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