So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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