how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
