We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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