You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
