Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize