happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
