Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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