im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
