Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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