put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
