I think i peed on brittanys purse
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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